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Monday, September 19, 2005

That girl.

I'm the girl who could resist a meme. Who didn't for this one.

I'm the girl you were too afraid to get near because she was too tall, too fierce, too weird, too laconic, too deep, too smart, too dim, too slow, too artsy, too quiet, too invisible.

I'm the girl who split a cohort of teaching staff in unspoken controversy, even if only for a forgotten passing moment.

I'm the girl who watched you sleep less than ten arm lengths afar and felt a pillar driven through the chest. Who then sought comfort in the prickle of twilight and the blankness of the night. Who then sought comfort in various other things and places within and out of one's head. Who still continues looking.

I'm the girl all of you could only describe as "creative" and "a good draw-er" because that was all I was to you.

I'm the girl who stared conventional wisdom in the face, writhed in actual agony before the open webpage and rejected Law minutes before the deadline. Who still wonders.

I'm the girl who drank so much canteen kopi and starbucks in a stretch, that her head nearly split open and what was left of her lunch threatened a hasty evacuation the long way home from Marine Parade.

I'm the girl who fell asleep on the bus after school and woke up, feeling an instant passed, but riding on the opposite side of the road.

I'm the girl who never kept a best friend. And still hasn't. Who believes that maybe such people belong in the fictional character category.

I'm the girl who has killed every aquatic animal she has ever owned, except the turtle. Who has killed salamanders as well. And then brought cats home without anyone's permission.

I'm the girl who used to hardly cry. Who cried in front of two teachers, consecutively. And then ran off to the toilet to finish up.

I'm the girl who couldn't quite insert the joss sticks properly at your mom's funeral. Who almost burnt her hand while making a total ass of herself. Who knew that it was going to happen.

I'm the girl who really doesn't like chocolate all that much.

I'm the girl who laughed because it was so absurdly wrong. Who was misunderstood because you thought I really was laughing at you. Who got so mad because you thought so wrong.

I'm the girl who left for school and then scrambled back because she heard one of her cats was hurt.

I'm the girl who gave 10 dollars to a complete stranger because she asked for it.

I'm the girl who probably knows way more Star Trek and Star Wars trivia than any girl in her age group and country. Who feels like a little boy when she reads about a new computer game coming up entitled Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects. Who grew up playing with GI Joes and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I'm the girl who was 18 when you tried to teach to ride a bike. Who failed. Who cried like a silly baby who takes most things too seriously and some things too little.

I'm the girl who is afraid she'd end up like her parents.

I'm the girl with a kitten's claw marks on her arm, four scratches arranged in a circular paw. Who still feels sad everytime a kitten dies, even though it's been way past the thirteenth one.

I'm the girl who blogs to show herself that she can write. Who doesn't blog enough to ever convince herself.

So, who're you?

en at 2:31 am