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#09

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Well. I needed that.

When you have both academic mediocrity and a oddly resilient, hugely deluded sense of complacency, disaster is quite inevitable.

Having bombed my first test with spectacular indignity and stomach-churning bafflement, I see reality has finally turned around and smacked me upside the head. Needless to say, the feeling is highly unpleasant and mildly nauseating. Nothing leaves as much a tangible impression as failure when it kicks you in the teeth.

And... On a lighter note, the use of live-action blended with computer-animation is an old trick. In old games like my more-recently-sampled Phantasmagoria, one could obviously tell where the actors and props were and where dotty, plastic virtual reality begun.



Not that it was any less fun, of course. If anything, the blatant artificality and all the effort it implied was charming on it's own.

Live-action game production, as you may have guessed, was short-lived. Focus was shifted to glorious life-like freewheeling CGI. Although the charm still persists.

Like the teaser videos for the upcoming Marvel Nemesis game. It was like being a kid in a comics store. "Hey! New superheroes! Coooool...". New backstories and (sorta new) powers and back-to-basics film-noir-style storytelling!



Distractions, distractions...

en at 2:06 pm

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Loose Change

Considering I'm 5 weeks into term in my first spankin' year as a university undergraduate, it occurs to me that I should say a few words of some importance - what importance precisely, I cannot fantom - pertaining to my current state and the events leading up to now. This occurance of thought is no doubt related to the homework I have sitting across from me, staring at me in that incriminating beady way homework tends to do.

Nothing is more compelling a muse than the other um, thing you have to get doing at that very instant.

To a university-bound candidate, I say, university isn't all that different. The food doesn't get all that much better and the prices are less forgiving. You also tend to walk alot more to get to where you want to eat. More people are putting in the effort getting into that whole 'Adult' phase. Others have either given up or do not bother very much. I personally applaud the attempt, although it sometimes looks just plain silly.

University is also the place where, walking through Campus Green this morning, totally without the influence of any drug whatsoever, I discover someone had left their giant dried rotting cherries and bleached sinister-looking giant polyps on the Green.

And their giant metal killer skewer sculpture, but that's not so bad.

I propose someone with a proper camera take pictures before they're removed by mass protest or burned to the ground. My phone-camera does no justice to the horror.

And I suppose this bad-dream-manifested-artwork speaks of some meaningful insight into University Life. The only thing I can think of is that things are alot looser - for better or worse. Your principal might make your school a whole lot uglier by building unncessary attachments, but your university can get alot more gross by appearing to grow some new ghastly pale appendages in the name of Art. You could walk into class an hour and a half late. Your professor could also decide to take away your entire class participation grade because the coffee you fetched for him wasn't blended with low-fat soya-milk and had the wrong flavouring.


We few, we happy few, we band of buggered...

en at 10:47 am

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Monday, September 19, 2005

That girl.

I'm the girl who could resist a meme. Who didn't for this one.

I'm the girl you were too afraid to get near because she was too tall, too fierce, too weird, too laconic, too deep, too smart, too dim, too slow, too artsy, too quiet, too invisible.

I'm the girl who split a cohort of teaching staff in unspoken controversy, even if only for a forgotten passing moment.

I'm the girl who watched you sleep less than ten arm lengths afar and felt a pillar driven through the chest. Who then sought comfort in the prickle of twilight and the blankness of the night. Who then sought comfort in various other things and places within and out of one's head. Who still continues looking.

I'm the girl all of you could only describe as "creative" and "a good draw-er" because that was all I was to you.

I'm the girl who stared conventional wisdom in the face, writhed in actual agony before the open webpage and rejected Law minutes before the deadline. Who still wonders.

I'm the girl who drank so much canteen kopi and starbucks in a stretch, that her head nearly split open and what was left of her lunch threatened a hasty evacuation the long way home from Marine Parade.

I'm the girl who fell asleep on the bus after school and woke up, feeling an instant passed, but riding on the opposite side of the road.

I'm the girl who never kept a best friend. And still hasn't. Who believes that maybe such people belong in the fictional character category.

I'm the girl who has killed every aquatic animal she has ever owned, except the turtle. Who has killed salamanders as well. And then brought cats home without anyone's permission.

I'm the girl who used to hardly cry. Who cried in front of two teachers, consecutively. And then ran off to the toilet to finish up.

I'm the girl who couldn't quite insert the joss sticks properly at your mom's funeral. Who almost burnt her hand while making a total ass of herself. Who knew that it was going to happen.

I'm the girl who really doesn't like chocolate all that much.

I'm the girl who laughed because it was so absurdly wrong. Who was misunderstood because you thought I really was laughing at you. Who got so mad because you thought so wrong.

I'm the girl who left for school and then scrambled back because she heard one of her cats was hurt.

I'm the girl who gave 10 dollars to a complete stranger because she asked for it.

I'm the girl who probably knows way more Star Trek and Star Wars trivia than any girl in her age group and country. Who feels like a little boy when she reads about a new computer game coming up entitled Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects. Who grew up playing with GI Joes and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I'm the girl who was 18 when you tried to teach to ride a bike. Who failed. Who cried like a silly baby who takes most things too seriously and some things too little.

I'm the girl who is afraid she'd end up like her parents.

I'm the girl with a kitten's claw marks on her arm, four scratches arranged in a circular paw. Who still feels sad everytime a kitten dies, even though it's been way past the thirteenth one.

I'm the girl who blogs to show herself that she can write. Who doesn't blog enough to ever convince herself.

So, who're you?

en at 2:31 am

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