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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Aye, the rub

Yes, inviligating is boring. And yes, as per the cards Life usually deals, it could always be worse.

I could have been teaching the buggers.

I believe teaching is causing my IQ to plummet. Yesterday, I was overcome by the hilarity of chunky french fries. More specifically: the fat potato slabs you can get in a basket at Billy Bombers that cost an inordinate amount of money. Atkins can spin away in his grave.

A year ago, I would have slapped myself for finding fried potatoes funny. Now it's just Oh look, I can make bite marks of my entire row of front teeth in this single fry! Wow! and They're as large as fishfingers! and Do you think that with some ketchup we could take all these chunky fries and piece 'em back together into one BIG potato?!?!

I blame teaching for making me stupid. The excess of food helped, that's all.

Hot elitist babes.

That's what the NUS law interview more than a week ago churned up. A lobby of well-groomed chio bus. Girls strutting their stuff, dabbing on make-up in the toilet, balancing on microscopic-point heels, suits so sharp they could cut and generally looking kinda dumb since it's only an interview for cryin' out loud.

My interview started about an hour after the scheduled time. Cicak observed how when one traverses down the long and winding corridors to your assigned room, the other shortlistees that you past on your long and winding trek- your ahem, competition - suddenly find floor-gazing or ceiling-inspection a fascinating study. She concludes that this a sure omen of ill-will. Of course. Evil is afoot. Lawyers are being spawned.

I was interviewed by an indian chap and what I assumed to be a chinese lady in her mid-forties. After consulting my peers, I have concluded that watching a pot of water boil might hold more interest than holding a conversation with the Indian associate. Having to hear him lecture might make local sitcoms entertaining to endure.

And the lady professor is in her seventies. I was perhaps, too dismayed at her murky green plastic spectacles hovering right in front of my face to have noticed. She is evidently quite well-preserved. We should carbon-date her, just to be sure. The living fossil might hold potential significant contributions to the world archaeological community.

She had the nerve to ask: "...But don't you think Shakespeare is becoming increasingly irrelevant in today's society?"

It was one of those prime Ally McBeal moments. A loaded silence. A raised brow. Someone getting dumped into a giant trash compactor. Arrows shot at the chest. One of those big roundhouse knockout punches. K.O.

The words of Shakespeare's Henry VI wrafted through my head. 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.'

en at 7:46 pm