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#09

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

If you wanna be happy

Thinking about the A level results makes me depressed. And I think nobody wants to read a depressing post, which is why I've been having some difficulty posting lately. A typical post I would've submitted would have gone along the lines of:

Grrr. My A level results suck. My life sucks pretty much right now. There's nothing to do but wait for more scholarships to reject me. Sucks. And I can't complain. Because people who did better wouldn't know how it's like. And people who did worse, well, no point burdening them more.Sucks. Except complaining's what I'm doing here.*^#!%&@) What if I'd done things different? What a difference one syllable, one vowel, one letter makes... Why the hell am I so pissed, it doesn't make sense angstangstangstangstangstangst...

That wouldn't have been a very pleasant read. I don't think I'm one of those poetic sorts that can make depression sound eloquent. So I figured, think happy thoughts. Let's talk about babies and kittens instead.

No, really.

Just yesterday, I was on the bus heading to town. I used to complain about people living right across from college coming late to school because it seemed absurd, especially for someone living about an hour's bus ride away. It made no sense why people couldn't simply cross the road on time. Then I realised I walking straight into the same phenomenon en route to town, appearing frequently late for appointments and such. Apparently space and time get really bendy and we are just lazy there is a perfectly good psychological explanation behind all this.

The nearer you are to your destination, the more unwilling you are to leave early. So you procrastinate, figuring that you won't be too late anyway. Unfortunately that's exactly what happens when you overindulge in your close vicinity. So ultimately it's the ones who live the nearest that usually end up the latest.

With discoveries like these, it's a wonder our species came to be the dominant one on the planet. Maybe the ones with species dominance in close reach decided nah, no rush I think I'll just lay back and relax and stopped evolving super killer biological weapons and brains and before they realised it, they were lagging behind in the race for survival. And we humans got there ahead instead because we were so much more backward. All because of a psychological loophole.

Back to point, there was this baby on the bus in a stroller. (I wondered how the parents got both the baby and the fully loaded stroller onto the bus) There are some things words fail to describe. I mean, words try but they're not very good at it. Things like beauty or love or sheer utter adorable-ness. I think words have better things to descibe than the latter. That could explain why when you see something cute, your once maybe-adequate vocabulary suddenly drops to "Awww..." and "That's so [insert expletive] cute!!!!" and you sound like a total idiot but don't care because that's so @#$! cute!!!

There might be amazing marketing potential if one manages to tap into this giantic pool of mental simplicity. Oh wait, the Japanese already did that with Pokemon. And a bunch of other... thingys. Drat.

The chubby baby was quite happily sucking cum chewing on one of his hands. Parents, you really ought to get your babies chew-toys before they lose an arm. Everyone knows how single-minded babies can be. How they latch onto things. God forbid it should be one of their own limbs!

Fortunately for the cute baby, it soon got distracted by something and started crying. The primeval alarm system that is triggered by a baby's wails kicked in and although I was a complete outsider, even I started panicking: "What? What?! What do you want? What do you need? What's wrong? Tell me!! Ahhhhh!!!" Of course, I was doing all this inwardly. No point frightening the kid. The parents, on the other hand, looked totally unfazed by this eruption. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation.

Who knew what bothered the baby? Maybe it was a sudden overwhelming sense of isolation. Once Daddy peered over the top of the stroller, he/she started to quieten down (whew) and gaze at the new round thing hovering above his/her head. How fascinating! What is that! Wow! Even the hand became less interesting.

Babies never get bothered by A level results. Without any grasp of the alphabet, babies are totally immune to the devastating effects of result slips. Awww...

en at 12:39 pm

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